A Woman's Worth
What lack of boundaries cost me.
March is here. It’s Women’s History Month, and March 8th is International Women’s Day. As I am approaching a huge milestone in my womanhood, getting married, it has brought up so much of my history. On this women’s day I wanted to share, what lack of boundaries has cost me.
I grew up as the eldest daughter in an immigrant home where putting everyone else’s needs before mine was a foundation laid for me, which I had no comprehension of what was happening. My mother and I were undocumented until I was 9 years old. She didn’t learn English until she was 40 years old, and so I stepped up to help. I was a translator, babysitter, emotional support, file clerk, admin assistant, taxi driver, etc. By the time I turned 14, I wanted to get a job to unburden my mother from having to worry about paying for things for me.
Now my story is not uncommon. Most eldest daughters of immigrant families have a similar tale, so I didn’t think much of it until I became an adult and started to take inventory of the patterns of some of my behaviors. I was thrust into adulthood as a child, but now, as an adult spoken to like a child by so many of the adults around me.
For most of my life, when it came to my relationships, whether romantic, at work, with friends, or with family, I chose the path of least resistance. I didn’t want to ruffle feathers. I didn’t want people to be mad at me or dislike me. So I would beat around the bush, I would forgive to my detriment, and people pleasing was written all over my forehead, although I didn’t know it.
I kept hitting a wall. Having blow-ups and conflicts, and thinking to myself, no matter what I do or say, someone is not pleased with me. I felt like all this running around wasn’t good enough.
Over time, it was chipping away at me.
Truly listening to my inner thoughts, I said to myself, You sound like a victim in your own story. And you are not!
I think we have all heard the saying this is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.
I didn’t just wake up one day and decide it would all change over night. I just really like this statement above. For me it was a process, an unlearning that has taken years. There are people who come into your life and place a huge mirror in your face. Actually everyone does it, but it’s up to us to be open enough to see it.
I had people who were angry at me for my lack of boundaries, people who loved me who couldn’t bear to witness people continue to take advantage of me so they became distant. As I was stumbling through adulting, living in a city where someone not liking you could cost you a job, and digging for a deeper relationship with God, I couldn’t seem to reconcile how to be a “good” Christian and uphold my boundaries.
When I met my now fiancé , dating wasn’t even a thought in my mind. We were just friends. From the sidelines he witnessed how much I poured into others and he asked me this, “You give and take care of so many, but who takes care of you.” At the time I had a robust community and felt pretty good about the people in my life, but he saw something I didn’t. As our friendship grew, it eventually led to us dating. When dating, people see what most don’t, and he began to dig deeper.
“Do you even know when you are at capacity?”
“How do you know when burnout is coming?”
These are just examples of the questions he would ask. No one had ever taken the time to ask me this before. I was exhausted, angry and most of the time I didn’t know why.
He saw the patterns. He saw a woman who didn’t know how to say no, didn’t know how to rest.
So in June of 2025 when I went to the Doctor for my women’s exam I was shocked when my OB/GYN said my uterus was enlarged. In my naïveté, I said, “What’s the issue? Maybe I’m meant to birth big things.”
She recommended I get an Ultrasound and that’s when I found out about the F word: Fibroids. Ultrasound results showed I had several growing in my uterus. I went on a deep dive researching, starting talking to all the women I know, and to my shock, so many women around me either currently had it or once had it, and never talked about it. I’m like, how are we all suffering in silence?! This is crazy.
My journey with this is another Substack for another day, but as a result of the diagnosis, I went on a 30-day juice fast. (Yes, you read that correct I didn’t eat food for 30 days.) Now, what does fibroids have to do with boundaries? An intense regimen like this forced me to reevaluate every decision, every priority.
What I had been in process of implementing and working on for years, this event forced Boundaries to be now non-negotiable.
The key to my healing wasn’t just about eating healthy and exercising; it was about my nervous system and changing my programming.
Check out this video:
When I showed my fiancé this video, this was his response:
I think in the spirit it is a form of rumination or unforgiveness manifesting as stuck energy in the body, the inability to move on.
So what exactly has been building up for me? Years of conforming, catering, being in environments that aren’t good for me, angry at people who continue to violate my boundaries, and again its not their fault, it’s on me. When I started to draw lines in the sand, all of sudden my faith would be in question.
What kind of Christian doesn’t “forgive” Does forgiveness equate to proximity or even reconciliation? Did Jesus not have boundaries?
Yes,
Jesus established clear, intentional boundaries during his ministry to prioritize his mission, rest, and communion with God over fulfilling every demand. He frequently withdrew from crowds to pray, said no to inappropriate requests, and protected his time and emotional energy to remain effective in his calling.
Thankfully I read the Bible too and I am aware how imperative it is to:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23 ASV
“Whoever does not welcome you, nor listen to your message, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust [of it] off your feet [in contempt, breaking all ties]. [Mark 6:11; Acts 13:51]”
Matthew 10:14 AMP
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens and pays attention to you, you have won back your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile (unbeliever) and a tax collector. [Lev 19:17; Deut 19:15]”
Matthew 18:15-17 AMP
For me to come into alignment with the full healing I know God has for me, it’s not just external; there is an internal healing to do first for the external to manifest.
Lack of Boundaries cost me my health, and that is history.
This is such a necessary conversation to have, and I’m truly grateful that you forged the way, not only to share an incredibly important part of your story, but to cause pause to assess the parts of our own journeys and experiences.
As a woman living with autoimmune conditions for more than 3 decades, learning the impact of not setting boundaries, has been a costly one, particularly where my health has been concerned. Once I discovered the connection, I became equipped with the tools and freedom to prioritize my well-being. I’m so grateful that you’ve discovered your path to the healing our good Father has promised us.
Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency!
Me encanta! I absolutely love that you shared this part of yourself. A story all too common, yet extraordinary in its light. Appreciate your vulnerability. Keep shining mujer.